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CHAPTER XVI.
HER CONFIDENCE IN GOD.
"He that trusteth in the Lord shall be as Mount Sion: he shall not be moved forever." — Ps. cxxiv, 1.
A true knowledge of God inspires a salutary fear of displeasing Him, as well as an unlimited confidence in His infinite goodness. It will be very sweet and profitable for us to understand the impressions made in the soul of our Venerable Sister by her truly, passionate abandonment to the all-loving Heart of our good Jesus. She loved Him, called Him by the most tender name of Father, and sometimes even "her good Papa, full of love and kindness;" and these words gave to her an extreme sense of her misery and unworthiness, the courage to approach a God so great, so just and so much to be feared. We notice in her simple words the sublime union of holy fear, humility and the most tender confidence. If sometimes a tiny cloud of despondency gave her a slight fear regarding her eternal salvation, she would meekly ask of her director: "My Father, do you think that I will be saved?" and without awaiting a reply, she would say eagerly: "But yes, I hope for it through the loving kindness of my tender Father, and through the merits of my sweet Jesus." In her own eyes her soul was full of misery. Exaggerating her imperfections, she deplored them with tears; but spiritual calm and abandonment to God's mercy immediately succeeded her acts of sorrow for her sins. With a confidence which must have delighted the Heart of God, she would pray in these words: "My Lord, my all merciful Father, I have acted like myself; do Thou now act like Thyself, triumphing over my infinite misery by Thy infinite Power." Once, when believing herself to be alone, she was heard moaning forth at the foot of the altar the great anguish and torment of her soul, in these words of self-comfort: "My Lord, I wish to live confiding in Thee, and I hope, at the end, to be saved."
Her words telling of the love and the goodness of God, were burning with deepest gratitude and most perfect hope. Her Sisters knew how adroitly to lead their conversation with her to this beautiful subject. Her mouth then spoke from the abundance of her heart. Here are some examples among many others: "How wonderful it is that Jesus, in glory at the right hand of His Father, occupies Himself with our deepest miseries, and deigns to become an humble suppliant for us!" "How wonderful it is that our good Jesus, while we sleep, while we amuse ourselves, while we think neither of Him nor even of our needs, continues to pray for us to His eternal Father!" Full of the most lively hope, she showed in times of danger a calmness which nothing could disturb, a courage capable of inspiring the less valiant. She had the gift to console and comfort others, leaning always on her unconquerable confidence in God. "Pray," she would say on these occasions; "pray; the good God will console you, put your trust in Him. What have you to fear? Has not God promised to listen to us each time that we call on Him? Have confidence! He is always with us, and He wishes only our good. He will never abandon us." More than once she was found to have a special grace to strengthen timid, wavering souls. Her influence was felt particularly by Sister Teresa Adelaide, an invalid for long years, and who was then growing very old. Terrible temptations to despair, joined to excessive fear of death and the judgments of God, kept her in an agony of mind on the cross. Our young Sister was her good angel. By imparting her own confidence she knew how to triumph over this temptation of pusillanimity and excessive fear. She changed so completely the dispositions of the sick Sister, that she soon even longed for death that she might possess quickly the divine Object of her desires. Sister Teresa Adelaide expired in the peace and joy of the Lord.
The measure of our graces is the measure of our confidence in prayer. Our Lord seemed unable to resist the wonderfully trusting prayers of His servant. Her director and the Chevalier Redi declared on oath, that they had never recommended to our Sister's prayers an affair of any kind, above all one that was spiritual, without obtaining their request sooner or later. When she was asked to beg some favor of God, she would do it instantly, with all simplicity, quite naturally, and usually would repeat these words of the psalmist: "Lord, all my desire is before Thee." The answers to this spontaneous cry astonished even herself. Even those favors which she believed to be common to all and by no means special to herself, she would yet keep secret in order to exalt the infinite condescension of Divine Providence, which heeds our least as well as our greatest needs, His love ever keeping watch over all. We will conclude this chapter with two maxims of our angelic little Sister, in which she teaches us that our confidence should not waver in time of trial, nor lead to pride in time of success. "Be quite content," she said, "in time of contradiction; no matter what happens, it will always be for our good, because God always does for us what is best." And after many unanswered prayers: "Let it be as God wills," she would say, "may our good God be forever blest, who even in this way does for us what is best. It is a sign that it is better so; woe to us if He should grant all our human petitions."
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