CHAPTER XXI.

INFIRMARIAN; HER CHARITY, ABOVE ALL TO THE SICK.

"The charity of Christ presseth us." — II. COR. v, 14.

During her novitiate, as is customary, Sister Teresa Margaret was only employed either in offices compatible with the solitude of the cell or occupations suitable for a novice. But she had scarcely left the novitiate when she was appointed infirmarian. Her spirit of charity, her sweetness, her exactitude and her energy gave hopes that she would fill this office to perfection. These anticipations were fully realized. Before considering her in this her work of charity, let us recall the affectionate compassion she felt for the unfortunate during her childhood, ingeniously striving to relieve them with her little alms. Once while making a visit with her parents to a religious community in her native city, she saw some poor children approach the door of the Cloister to ask an alms. Listening only to her heart, she ran to them, poured into their hands all that she had, then returned to her seat radiant with joy. In religion her abstinences, her fasts on bread and water, were for a double object; mortification was united to charity; for while depriving herself she wished to increase the portion of the poor.

A true daughter of Saint Teresa our Mother, never were words of blame or criticism heard from her lips. A few uncharitable words against absent persons heard by her, sufficed to disturb the serenity of her countenance. The dear child would then slip away sadly and silently, which was an unspoken but efficacious lesson. We read, in her process, that when questioned on subjects in dispute, she would reply sweetly and without wounding charity: "One who loves peace, sees, suffers, and keeps silence;" or again: "Who keeps silence about everything has peace everywhere." Not being able to bring herself to believe any evil of her neighbor, she excused everyone and even sought to expiate their failings. Her compassion for her religious Sisters caused her to feel their sicknesses and their trials much more keenly than her own. Here is an example: She had next her in the refectory a postulant lay Sister, whose respiratory organs were so affected as to give out at every breath a disgusting odor. The community had not yet noticed it and Sister Teresa Margaret suffered in silence this painful trial, fearing to distress the poor young girl by making known her infirmity. Our Venerable Sister knew how to exercise this amiable virtue of charity, multiplying her acts beyond count. She was always prepared to sacrifice herself for one or for all, performing secretly the most painful tasks. She would hasten, during a free moment, to help the lay Sisters and the servants, making herself all to all without considering her feeble health, which unfitted her for such fatigue. The good God had moreover bestowed on her the gift of consoling and calming tried souls. The exquisite sensibility of her heart caused her to discover the afflictions of her Sisters, and she knew how to soothe them by the sweetness of her manner, her gentleness, and the graces of her sanctity. So great was the unction of her words that she shed a consoling balm on the most grievous wounds.

In the work of the infirmary, the charity of Sister Teresa Margaret was most ardent. Mother Teresa Maria of Jesus, her former Mistress of Novices, was the first object of her devotion. Neither fatigue, nor watching, nor the most painful duties stood in the way of her service to her. The advanced age and many infirmities of the patient made her exacting, and she needed continual care. Our Sister helped her in everything. To please her she would say again with her all the Divine Office and a great number of other prayers. Notwithstanding such attentive charity, the sick Mother found reasons to complain, even to mortify and humble her, reproving her severely, even when the exactitude of the holy infirmarian had been most perfect. Mother Teresa acknowledged later that she had determined to put her infirmarian's charity to the test. In spite of her unjust reproaches she found her always sweet, always even tempered, always more affectionate to her. She was treated in about the same way by Mother Madeline of Jesus, who was at that time Prioress. This good Mother, who had a very lovely character, was touched by the affectionate care which her infirmarian showed when dressing her sores. However, she felt inspired to do violence. to her feelings by trying her heroic daughter with a mortification most painful to a sensitive heart. She appeared annoyed with her attentions, acting as if she considered her awkward and even impertinent. After the death of the servant of God, she told, with tears in her eyes, the admiration she felt for the conduct of this angel of virtue. Reproaches seemed to add to the flames of a charity which was perfectly disinterested. Her attention and her devotedness increased in proportion with hard treatment and unjust words. A few moments before her death, while enduring the most terrible suffering, Sister Teresa Margaret, urged on by the solicitude of her charity, was still able to think of an additional remedy for the sores of the Mother Prioress. The entire community was edified by such interest at so trying a moment. Their edification was increased still more when the Mother Prioress made known the continual trials by which she had raised Sister Teresa Margaret to the highest perfection of charity.

In 1767 an epidemic of influenza desolated our community. Nearly all the Sisters were obliged to give up and go to bed, and ten were in serious danger and required constant care. The Venerable Sister put her whole soul into her work. With ease and kindness and surpassing skill she accomplished her numerous duties. The sick smiled at her approach. She seemed never to grow weary, anticipating their wishes, divining their needs. By her sweet and always composed manner, by her eager charity full of grace and kindness, she never ceased to please them all. Each one said it was a blessing to be sick when cared for by this angel. It is important to remark, that during this time of excessive labor, Sister Teresa Margaret always found it possible to follow the Rule and assist in the choir at the Divine Office. Moreover, the multiplicity of her cares, which clamored for her zealous attention, did not prevent her heart from seeking God in uninterrupted recollectedness. Energetic and diligent, but without the least show of haste, full of compassion and amiability joined to respect and a ravishing modesty, one would think it was indeed an angel that was performing the duties of infirmarian. "She could not have a more recollected and edifying bearing even before the Blessed Sacrament," her Sisters said. We will not only be pardoned for the length of this chapter, but will give pleasure with these details, revealing as they do the workings of grace, in a young girl who had scarcely reached her twentieth year. Allow us to continue. Not content with giving her services to the two aged Mothers mentioned above, she obtained as a favor the care of Mother Teresa Victoria Malaspina, almost an octogenarian, paralyzed on the right side, and who had need of almost continual assistance. Our dear Sister had the happiness of tending her until the eve of her joyful passing away. To see her with her invalid one would have said that she had no other occupation whatsoever; yet, she had many other duties elsewhere. The same exactitude, perfection and energy, the same admirable composure, was shown by our holy little Sister in all her employments. The good octogenarian was untiring in making known the beautiful disposition of her infirmarian — her patience, her sweet cheerfulness, her piety and agreeable way of ministering to her. The office of infirmarian has a double object at Carmel. The one in charge must take care of the sick, and watch, besides, over the health of all the religious. This means that she must have a vigilant eye to watch with the most delicate charity over even the least indisposition, and undertake to remedy it. Our dear Sister, notwithstanding her youth, was very quick in discovering the little indispositions of her Sisters, in coming to their assistance, in noticing if they had a good appetite, and if they were in need of anything, as far as holy poverty permitted. We know that she prayed for her sick ones, asking from God to be given their sufferings in order to relieve them. How it is possible not to be touched when studying so beautiful a model?

Our devout infirmarian, while most exact in the least directions of the physician, had unbounded zeal in all that regarded spiritual help. She was an angel of consolation at the bedside of the sick, especially during their last hours. "Gifted with the discernment of spirits," as recorded in our chronicles, "even indifferent matters of which she spoke to her patients penetrated to the depths of the soul, producing an indescribable joy and compunction of heart in our dying Sisters." That she might be ready to fly to the aid of the sick, she forgot her own needful repose, frequently interrupted her meals, or took them in, haste. With a perfection met with only in souls of uncommon generosity, she sacrificed to duty the dearest and sweetest of her private exercises of piety. She was so recollected that she could go without delay from the bedside of the sick to Holy Communion. When she was asked if she did not feel any scruple when going in this way to the holy table, the servant of God replied humbly: "No, because I believe such an occupation is a good preparation."

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