THE VOICE FROM HEAVEN

The directing of an illuminated conscience, far from paralyzing the interior life, gives it an extraordinary intensity and reveals to those elect souls, immense spiritual regions in themselves, that abandoned to their own forces, they would never have discovered. With the passing of years and the intensifying of her piety, Anna Mary felt more and more the necessity of a guide who would lead her in the paths of perfection to which God was calling her.

Not to appear out of the ordinary, and not to be a source of annoyance to the ones waiting to enter the confessional after her, she had up to then been scrupulous in not exceeding the usual time, and therefore had never opened her heart to any director. On the other hand, she felt in great need of one, torn as she was between her humility and her love. She would have wished to hide herself away from everyone, but at the same time wanted to practise in all their perfections all the virtues, so as to become more and more pleasing to God. Not knowing whom to turn to, she remembered that her father had ever been a wise and good counsellor, so she began to write more frequently to him. Many were the letters addressed from the school of St. Apollonia to Cavalier Ignatius Redi. Letters that he himself had later to testify were full of the highest thoughts about God and the finest Christian perfection. Alas! it is a pity that these letters, that would have so intimately revealed to us Anna Mary's soul in these tender years, have all been destroyed. To satisfy the humble desires of his child, the father acceded to her request, and burned them one by one as he received them.

If the opening of her heart to her father was sufficient for a time to satisfy the ambitions of her soul, with the passing of the years, however, it was no longer enough, and the father himself realized that he was unable to guide her to the heights she was straining to attain.

A certain Father Peter Pellegrini a man full of learning and discernment was appointed Confessor of the convent. Cavalier Redi, who knew of him, advised his daughter to reveal frankly all her thoughts to this most able director of consciences. From the first moment she approached Father Peter, he sensed at once the sanctity of that innocent soul, and he immediately endeavored to help her (as he put it), "to soar in the way of God".

He instructed and enlightened her so that she could make greater progress in the way of mental prayer and in the practice of virtue. He confirmed her in the way of complete abandonment in God. He approved of her undertaking certain mortifications, some of which she had started practising in her own home as a child, and among others he allowed her, after much imploring on her part, to occasionally use the discipline. These penances and mortifications she practiced especially during the novenas and triduums preceding the feasts of Our Lady, to whom she had a great devotion. She had a special predilection for Our Lady who was ever her Heavenly Mother, and she loved her truly as a daughter, endeavoring in every way to imitate her example. And at all times Our Blessed Lady singled her out for special favors.

One evening in the early part of 1763, Anna Mary was descending the long stairway of the convent, holding a lighted charcoal_. heater in her hands. All of a sudden, she missed her footing on one step and fell headlong. As she felt herself falling, she invoked her Heavenly Mother and, almost as if invisible hands were actually holding her up, she found herself standing at the foot of the stairs unhurt, and facing a statue of Our Lady. From then on, she never failed to salute Our Lady with a little prayer every time she passed that way.

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No matter what pains Anna Mary took to hide her many perfections from others, it was impossible to live with her and not realize her valiant spirit and many virtues. Those who knew her were lost in admiration at the triumph of Divine Grace in her. Studious and obedient, she sought nothing beyond the exact fulfilling of each and every one of her duties. It she felt that anyone needed her, she would at once run to do their bidding. Gifted with ingenuity, coupled with extreme naturalness and no sort of affectation, she was equally pleasing to all, in play or in conversation. She loved her teachers, admiring their spirit of prayer, and she willingly united herself to them in praising God, but this did not suffice her. Solitary meditation evoked in her a source of living water that flooded her soul with spiritual graces. As time went on she had but one desire: to flee the world and find a spot where she could ever dwell at the feet of her Divine Lord.

Although the vocation had not yet assumed form or figure, the seed was germinating deep down in her soul, and soon burst into bloom. The Benedictine Nuns always had a smile for her whenever she met them, that seemed to invite her to take refuge in the peaceful shadows of their cloister. But the young girl was soon to hear another voice, so sweet, alluring and irresistible, that called her elsewhere.

In September of 1763, a girl from her native town, Miss Cecilia Albergotti, went to see her and inform her of her intention of donning the Carmelite habit, at the convent of the discalced Carmelites in Florence. While leaving the parlor, Anna Mary seemed to hear a voice whispering in her ear: "I am Theresa of Jesus, I want you among my daughters". She turned, expecting to see the speaker, but no one was there and all was silence in the long corridor. Surely she hadn't had a daydream, she had quite distinctly heard this invitation. The first moment of surprise being over, she ran to the Chapel. With her face buried in her hands, prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament, she gave herself up to earnest prayer, and then, distinctly... she heard the same message repeated: "I am Theresa of Jesus and I tell you that shortly you will be in my convent". At such words, Anna Mary felt a thrill of unutterable joy, a leaping up of her will, clear and strong! She felt that now indeed the hour had come and God Himself was showing her the way. He was stretching out His hand to lead her where her most ardent desire was calling her. Every doubt, every hesitation had given way to certainty.  The very way was planned in a miraculous manner; the road of silent prayer and the penance of Carmel, the hidden road.

The invitation of St. Theresa of Jesus was accepted, and Anna Mary was destined henceforth to be a Carmelite and a beloved daughter of the great Saint.  She was only waiting now for an opportunity to break the great news to her parents.

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