THE FLOWER OF HUMILITY

Meanwhile, the date of the Profession was advancing with rapid strides. If, on the one hand, Sister Theresa Margaret desired that the day should soon dawn, on the other she would have wished to prolong the time indefinitely, because she saw herself full of faults and imperfections. She was so unworthy in her own eyes, she wondered why the Sisters did not send her away. While her heart was tormenting her thus, a new cross was laid on her, she got another tumor on the knee that caused her the acutest suffering. She did her best to hide all, fearing a postponement of her Profession. In her trouble she turned to our heavenly Mother and, full of confidence, implored her aid. Her prayers were answered and she was miraculously cured before her suffering became known to others! Her fears and anxieties did not disappear with the tumor, however; she was so convinced of her utter unworthiness as to fear expulsion.

"Father," she said on one occasion to her confessor, "why does God permit these dear human angels here to be so blind to all my faults and not see how unworthy I am before His Divine Majesty? Perhaps because I should not be a scandal to them? Or is it because they themselves are so good as to be able only to leniently judge all others? Why does God permit me to live in such a paradise and to be treated so well by them? Father, for the love of Jesus, tell me how I am to make these holy Nuns see what I really am before God. If you think it will not scandalize them, will you tell them all about my defects and shortcomings so that they will really see me as I see myself. It will be of great benefit to me, because it will so move them to pity, that with hearts touched with compassion, they will implore God for mercy on my behalf and all my confusion will be relegated to the last day of judgment."

Another time she added: "This is the truth; I believe I am a great trial of patience and virtue to all around me and a source of bad example; so much so, that I do not know how they can bear with me, and I blush and bow my head in shame". Her confessor tells us that she said these words with such evident truth and candor, that he was deeply edified by her humility and contempt of self.

Saint Francis of Sales observes that a greater light gives a sharper relief to objects and therefore it is proper to the Saints to see their defects in a measure not given to ordinary people; besides, the Saints feel the want of proportion between their unworthiness and the task they have set themselves to do.

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